When the Wheels Have Fallen Off
by Kkarrie
Summary: "I'm your partner. I'm with you 'til the wheels fall off."   Det. Kevin Ryan. Javier Esposito never imagined he'd lose a partner after Ike, but now he doesn't need to imagine, he'd like to forget. WARNING: CHAR DEATH!


Javier Esposito heard a knock on his apartment door. He knew it was one of three people. The same three people he hadn't talked to in at least a week maybe more. He hadn't kept track. He knew it hadn't been since the funeral.

How many days had it been since the funeral, anyways? Javier didn't know any more. He hadn't even bothered to begin counting. He was on leave, his arm still bandaged from where the bullet had almost nicked an artery, but the wound in his arm was nothing compared to the emptiness he felt inside.

He had stared at that bandage for hours sometimes, thinking that maybe it would have been better if the bullet had been just a hair farther to the right, or if the EMTs had taken a little bit longer to arrive.

When they had arrived at the scene, no one knew how much blood Javier had even lost, it was hard to tell what was his and what was Kevin's as his partner lay bleeding out in his arms. Blood mixed with tears as everyone realized what had happened. Javi even remembered throwing a few punches at the EMTs as they pulled his away from his partner.

The funeral had been three days later. It was a standard affair for a detective, gun salutes, a flag given to Kevin's parents. Jenny had been there teary eyed. Javier had given her a hug when she came over to him, but he hadn't wanted to talk to her. He didn't want to talk to anyone. He didn't want them to tell him how sorry they were. He didn't want them to tell him how lucky he was to have a partner that would sacrifice his life to save him.

The knock came at the door again, this time more persistent. Then there was the scratching of a key in the lock and slowly the door opened.

"Esposito?" Rick Castle's voice called out from the doorway.

Javi didn't move from his seat on the couch. He hadn't moved from that seat in a while, maybe it had been yesterday when he'd sat down.

Castle came further into the apartment. "Esposito? Your super gave me the spare key, I told him I was your brother, but I don't think he believed me." When Esposito didn't respond Castle continued to talk. "You doing okay? Beckett and Lanie are really worried about you."

"They shouldn't be," Javier whispered. "I'm fine," he looked up to Castle with eyes that had been cried dry so many times over the past week Javier wasn't sure where the new tears were coming from.

Castle sat down on the couch next to Esposito. The writer could see that the detective hadn't shaved since the funeral, the week's growth of stubble proved that. He also smelled like he hadn't showered since then either. He reached out to put a hand on Esposito's shoulder and the moment his hand touched the grubby t-shirt, the detective jerked away.

Esposito slid forward off the couch, away from Castle, knocking the coffee table over, ending up on the floor.

"The wheels fell off," he said quietly. "Those stupid wheels just fell off. We were supposed to be together, partners until the wheels fell off and they did." He pulled his knees up to his chest. "Stupid Irishman," Javi sniffled loudly. "He threw himself in front of me. He knew I was bleeding already, but the stupid jerk threw himself in front of me to protect me."

"Ryan knew what he was doing," Castle said softly.

"That's what everyone says," Javier snapped. "They all say what a wonderful hero he was. How, I'm so lucky to have a partner who would do this for me." He didn't bother to hide the sarcasm that was slipping into his voice. Castle didn't respond and Javier let tears slip down his cheeks. His shoulders starting to shake as he sobbed.

Castle silently went to the kitchen and tried to find the things he would need to make a cup of coffee for the detective. The coffee maker had to be cleaned and Castle wasn't even sure if Esposito owned a coffee mug that wasn't dirty, so he ran a load of dishes in the dishwasher at the same time.

About twenty minutes later, Castle had a cup of coffee for himself and Esposito. He set the detective's down on the coffee table and silently sipped his on the couch.

"Sometimes I think I hear him," Javier said quietly. "I wake up at night thinking he's called me, or I hear his voice when I'm sitting on the couch. "The first few mornings I would wake up and start the water in the shower and then remember I wasn't going to work." His face furrowed in thought.

"Beckett needs you at the station," Castle murmured.

Javier slowly shook his head. "I can't go back, man, not yet."

"Have you talked to anyone?"

"Lanie's called to leave messages a couple of times, Beckett too."

"I meant a professional," Castle clarified.

"Montgomery wants me to go see the shrink at the station, but I can't go to the station." He whispered.

Castle slowly stood, "There's a guy I know," he set a business card on the floor next to Esposito. "Tell him I sent you. He'll even come here, if you clean the place up a little."

"I can't afford a shrink," Esposito pushed the card away.

"Don't worry about the cost, it's on me." Castle said firmly, leaving no room for argument. "I'll be back tomorrow, but I'm bringing coffee next time. This stuff is terrible."

Javier heard the door close behind the writer. That visit hadn't been too horrible. He'd only cried once. He slowly reached out and grabbed the business card from the floor. Maybe he would give this guy a call, just to get Castle off his case tomorrow.


End file.
